For the past 2 1/2 years I have been searching for a part-time job, and I might as well search for a needle in a hay stack. Sure, I could probably find work at a grocery store or women’s boutique, but what are the odds that management would allow me to set my own days and hours? Highly unlikely…

You see my background is in accounting, and up until 5 years ago, I was accustomed to being in the office 40-50 hours a week crunching numbers and submitting financial reports. As boring as that job description may sound to some, it was something that I not only enjoyed but was good at it. There’s no need for me to go into details about my child’s medical conditions, since I have discussed this multiple times on my blog. So let’s just continue on with the subject at hand.

After taking several months off for my maternity leave in order to recover from having a c-section and to spend time with my child (who was in the hospital for almost 3 months after birth), I went back to work full-time. We had a home health nurse that stayed with him while I commuted 3 days a week to the office, and worked 2 days a week from home. This went well until it didn’t.

Life was stressful enough juggling work and home, but to make matters worse I started to have issues with my private insurance. My company decided to switch to a different insurance carrier, which did not cover the nursing hours he needed. Of course this made absolutely no sense to me or my husband, so we appealed. The answer was still no. So I had to make a decision rather than a choice – become his full-time caregiver.

What other choice was there? Put him in a facility and not care for him? Definitely not! Christopher is now 5 years old and I resigned from my job in 2015. For these past four years I have searched for part-time opportunities that allow for flexible hours or a set schedule so that I am available to manage his care. Although his life is not as hectic as it was in the beginning, there are still therapy sessions, doctor’s visits (multiple doctors), and set hours for his nurses; which means that my options are limited.

There are days when I miss the work, adult conversations (not medically related), and I miss the money. Don’t get me wrong, I love my son and I have accepted the responsibility of caring for him. However, I would be lying if I said I don’t feel lost and helpless at times. I want to get back out there but not if it means not being there for my child.

Thanks for reading….